The Chain of Values

Around a year after covid, activities at the Cirque began to pick up again. I was called to come back, help rebuild the team and set up operations for the Atelier of costumes.

Of course I said yes! Let’s put my organizing skills to the test, in a work environment!

It was eerie, because everything was left as is, we all left on a Friday afternoon, not knowing if we would ever come back. Projects were still on the printing table, orders ready to be packed. Everything was frozen in time. We spent about 2 weeks cleaning up everything. I remember the intent I had while I was scrubbing, organizing and setting up, “I wish for my colleagues to come back, I want a clean, functional, and beautiful workspace to welcome the rest of the team.”

And they did, slowly, one by one.

At first, everything seemed great but in a post-covid world, nothing is really back to normal.

What about the chain of values?

It came to a point where I couldn’t separate my morals and emotions with the new reality of work. The value of our expertise, our knowledge, the transparency and understanding of others, and most of all the authenticity. All
those values were challenged. As someone who is deep seated in unwavering morals and that takes pride in what I do and, I could no longer see a future in staying. I couldn’t adapt.

So I left in 2023. After almost 2 years of trying to find balance and making it work, it just didn’t.

I was depleted.

There are things that I could no longer tolerate or accept. I felt the need to walk my talk, to respect what I stand for.

Fast forward a year later, as I write this today, I am presented with an opportunity to come back.

I wavered.

Maybe there can be multiple truths.
Maybe I was too stubborn.
Maybe this time it will be different.

I guess only time will tell, for hindsight is always 20/20. For now, I’ll venture on this familiar road again with a promise to myself to stay grounded and not get lost.

I hope to see that not everything needs to be a battle.
I hope to hold space for my values without letting my emotions take over.
I hope to stay true to my beliefs and handle whatever may come with grace.

(I trust so)

Now let’s go.